From Impulse to Insight...
True Story: My weight worries me.
And not for obvious reasons like how foreign the number on the scale looks to me-or how unfamiliar the round full face I see in the mirror feels-but for less obvious reasons-like why my struggles with impulse control have resurfaced.
Since starting my fertility journey-everything about my body has come under scrutiny. I know more about myself than I ever have-which is just as lovely and it is totally terrifying.
It’s lovely because I have been able to see how amazing my body is. A few months ago, I was cut open, laid on a table for 6 hours-and had literal pounds of tumors removed from my body. Today I have 4 small scars (only 2 of which are even visible).
Its terrifying because the idea of having a child-and providing for said child brings up every insecurity (both financial, and physical), I have ever had.
I am now more aware than ever of how disconnected I feel.
These days…everything I do is in pursuit of something else. There is always a larger goal. A bigger purpose. Contracts. Sponsorship Requests. Event Planning. Masterminds. Incubators.
Everything (and anything) to propel-move-shift-ELEVATE.
The truth is-I don’t do many things for nothing anymore. Even the things that were once fun, those that brought me respite are now tangled up in and transformed into business opportunities.
My thoughts circle around “relevance,” “innovation,” “content,” and “income generation.”
Most days I feel like the space I get to occupy is getting smaller and smaller. (perhaps that’s why I’ve gotten so big).
All this while being mindful not to complain for fear of appearing ungrateful-and not to brag for fear of appearing like a snob. And not to be sad for fear of appearing “too needy.” And to celebrate by body- for fear of looking like I don’t love myself.
As my life becomes more sterile and restrictive my craving for all things sweet (treats) and soft (sleep) increases.
A cupcake. Chocolate Chip Cookies. Haribo Star Mix. A tumbler of Cran-anything (grape, and cherry specifically), A bag of Sour Crème and Cheddar Chips.
Each offers a moment of sweet/salty comfort and rebellion. But eating is sleeping is also a recipe for weight gain (for me).
When I started doing this work, it was because I had just become a spiritual coach. Over the years, I expanded my credentials to include reiki, astrology, outdoor activity, and numerology. My page however has not reflected my evolution. Mostly because I couldn’t figure out how to make spiritual offerings cool, sexy, and trendy. I am not sure much has changed in that department, but I do know that I want to do more of what lights me up (instead of what FILLS me up).
So, I want to make a few changes. I love this work, not only is it one of my favorite things to do, it 's also the place where I feel like my gifts shine the brightest. But I am not doing enough of it.
I am launching a new one-on-one offer. It’s an all-inclusive, Fall Wellness Reading that covers numerology, astrology, and your chakra system. Like everything else I do, it's custom.
The link is HERE, if you are interested.
If not, take a moment to consider what "insight" you can gain from your "impulses."